A Cell Story
by demon ashura
Summary: What happens when cell has a strange dream? Sweet murphy I write wierd stuff...He changes. Greatly. Involves LDT Too lotion, and OOC-ness. R/R


A Cell Story  
  
By: Ashura  
  
Written: 05-21-01  
  
Notes: o.o;; I really don't know where this came from. It just sorta..happened.. I guess. I don't know when it takes place, so we'll just say it happens during the time before Cell's tournament. (sad eyes) Don't get mad at me! I've only seen the dub. Baka FUNImation...oh well. ^_^ Continue! (BTW...the cell in this story is perfect cell, okay? o_o)  
  
Another Note: Oh yeah...I forgot to mention that there are Cell Jrs. in this, even though Cell hasn't had his own children yet. o_o oh yes.. Major OOC-ness. o.o  
  
Disclaimer: o_o You've got to be some sort of retarded moron if you think I actually own DBZ. 'Cause I don't. So...Read on!  
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Cell had a very strange dream one night. In fact, it was so strange that when he woke up, he... well, we're not going to get into that, but he did something strange. Which you will find out if you read the story, so you will read it now! Bwahahahahaha!   
  
---[Insert Fanfiction Here]---  
  
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty...I feel pretty & witty & gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-bright!" Cell sang as he ran through a field of flowers. The wind blew up, making his brightly colored red dress swirl around him (does cell even have a gender? oh well. He does now!). Then, suddenly, he tripped over a rock and landed on a squirrel, squishing it and making it -- die. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Cell fell down next to the squirrel & starting performing CPR on it. "Live, my bushy tailed friend! Live!" He cried as the squirrel died right before his eyes. "No! You can't die! Live!"  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a Mini-Cell (aka Cell Jr.) started beating up the poor dead squirrel's body. "Oh my gosh! What are you doing, Mini-Cell #3?!" Yelled Cell, as he threw himself in front of the squirrel in order to keep it from taking anymore damage. "I'm only doing what you want us to, Daddy!" Mini-Cell #3 cried. "What the hell? That poor squirrel isn't a Z-Fighter! No applesauce for you tonight, young..thing!" Cell yelled at #3. "Daddy...why are you wearing a dress?" "Nobody ever said I couldn't!" Cell started to walk away, sniffling. "Wait, Daddy! I didn't mean to..uhh.. hurt your feelings!" Yelled #3.  
  
Cell, of course, didn't hear 'it' because he was far away from 'it' by now. Cell was just walking happily through a forest. He waved at a bird in a tree. "Hi Bird!" He called. The bird flew a way before it dropped out of the sky like a rock. He waved at a tree. "Hi Tree!" He smiled at it. The tree promptly got struck by lightning and burnt to a crisp. "Hi strap-on-fairy-wi--oooooooooh..." He spotted some strap-on fairy wings on the ground, complete with a headband-halo to go with it. "Oooh!" He squealed, and walked over to them.   
He picked up the fairy wings & put them on, and started hopping around. "Look at me, grandma! I'm a pretty pretty fairy princess! Tee hee!" He was hopping around having much fun, until something large came out of nowhere & tackled him.  
  
"Those are MY fairy wings, damn you!" The person said. "No! They're mine!" A smaller person who just came said. "What? These are mine!" Cell yelled, getting up from the ground, for that is where he fell when he was tackled. He saw Vegeta & Goku wrestling on the ground. "Stop!" Cell yelled. "Fighting is bad!" He ran over to Vegeta, who was hitting Goku in random places, and gnawing on his forehead. Goku was smacking Vegeta silly & chewing on his leg. "Stop fighting!" Cell screamed again, almost crying. "You shut up, you stupid pansy!" Vegeta yelled. "Waaaaah!" Cell started crying. Goku sneered and walked over to Cell. "Oh, did we hurt the pansy's feelings?" He leaned over & smacked Cell with a fish that magically appeared. Cell started crying harder. "Give the pansy the wings back, maybe he'll shut up!" Yelled Vegeta who was sitting on the ground stuffing leaves into his ears, trying to block out the horrible high-pitched sound of Cell's crying. "Fine!" Goku picked the wings up, threw them at Cell, and flew away crying. Cell stopped crying, and got up and went over to Vegeta, who was laying on the ground. Cell poked him with his foot. "Hey Vegeta?" Vegeta rolled over, while holding a flowery blanket & gnawing on the arm of a stuffed snowman that happens to be named... what else? Frosty. Cell poked Vegeta again. Vegeta sat up suddenly and the blanket and snowman dissappeared. "Gee, Vegeta, that sure was a cute snowman! What's it's name?" Cell asked. Vegeta hugged himself & turned away from Cell. "It's my snowman! Mine, I tell you!" He glared at Cell. "Oh...okay. Wanna go do something?"  
  
  
Meanwhile, in a house very far away, a boy named Jake had just done the Bloody Mary thing in front of a mirror. "Oh my god!" Jake yelled. "Bloody Mary looks exactly like me! Oh..I know..Bloody Mary actually must be my Long Lost brother..Cake!"  
  
  
"So...what do you want to do?" Vegeta asked Cell. "Um... well, I got my dress all dirty, so I better go buy a new one! TO LIMITED TOO!" Cell yelled in a squeeky, high-pitched voice. He flew off to the Limited Too. "Wait for meeeee!" Vegeta yelled. Vegeta was too lazy to fly at the moment, so he beat up an ice cream vendor and stole the truck. "Driving, driving fairy princess!" Vegeta sang as he drove. Finally, he reach the LTD Too (which now has a store all to itself, BTW) & went inside with Cell. He found Cell trying out all the pretty lipglosses. Vegeta went over to a rack with multi-colored body lotions and shampoos. "Oooh.." He said, taking down a bottle of green body lotion. "Yay! Finally, one thing that I have that's better than Kakarot! Smooth skin!" Vegeta stole a bagfull of body lotion/shampoo, and ran amok with it.  
  
Meanwhile, Cell was busy looking at pajamas. "Gee, I like the little clouds...but then there are the bunnies...Oh, I'll just get them both!" He squeeled. He took a big pile of clothes, pillows, lipgloss, and other random LTD Too-yish items up to the counter. The salesgirl looked at him wierd, and checked it all out & miracuously stuffed everything into a tiny little bag. Cell ran out of the store and happily frolicked in the parking lot. Some people started looking at him funny, but he just smiled and waved back. He could hear sirens and yelling coming from within the big store, and suddenly a large, gloppy, dripping pink-green-blue thing jumped out of a window, getting glass stuck to it. "Hee hee hee! You'll never catch me!" The Vegeta-thing shouted at the police before jumping into the ice cream truck and driving away, laughing like an insane old grandma. "I wonder if they'll ever catch him...oh well!" Cell laughed & flew to a zoo.  
  
  
Back in Jake's house, him and Cake were annoying their friend Jeff. "Come on, Jeff! Let's go look at all the prettyful trees in the prettyful forest! Come on!" Jake yelled at Jeff. "Come with me, or I'll sick the G-tree on you!" Jake shouted. "Tell the G-tree I'm not ready to meet it! And no, I don't want to go with you and your stupid 'brother'!" Jeff yelled out a window. "Pleeeeeeeeease...I'll be your best friend!" "NO! GO AWAY!" Jeff screamed back. "Awwwwww...fine, Cake, let's go find someone else to play with." Jake said sadly. "Hell no... You're 17, for crying out loud! You don't 'play' with people!" Cake screamed in Jake's ear. "OW! DAMN YOU, CAKE!"  
  
  
Back at the zoo, the zookeepers were chasing some humanoid bouncy ball of lotion around. It had harrassed the lions, causing them the go mad and attack the tigers, and it had gotten lotion all over the ducks, seals, bears, and peacocks. Cell wondered how long it would take for all the lotion to come off of Vegeta. He was just walking around happily, when suddenly he tripped over a little kid. The kid cried, so Cell tried to help him stop. "Don't cry! Are you hurt?" asked Cell kindly. "MOMMA! THE BIG SCARY GREEN BUG MAN IS TRYING TO EAT ME!" the kid screamed, and Cell probably would have gone deaf if he had ears. The kid's mother promptly ran over and started beating Cell with her purse. "Ow! Stop! That hurts, ya meanie!" The woman probably would have beaten him gutless, except the Living Lotion Ball landed on her & jumped away again. "There it goes! Get it!" shouted the guards.  
  
Later, in the city, Cell was happily window-shopping. While he stopped to look at a flower shop, he heard screaming. Much screaming. He heard women, men, and kids running away from a tall building, and he also heard murmuring about bunnies. He ran over to the tall building to see what was going on. Some people were there looking up at what appeared to be a tall man with strap-on fairy wings, and a bunny-ear headband, standing at the top of a building. "I AM QUEEN OF THE BUNNIE FAERIES!" Goku shouted down to the bystanders below. "BOW TO ME!" He laughed maniacally. One woman pointed up at him. "He's gonna jump!" she screamed. Goku King of the Bunnie Faeries looked down at her & laughed. "GET HIM, MY MINION!" he screamed. The Prince(ss) of the Bunnie Faeries aka Gohan jumped off the building, landed on her, bit off her head, and flew back up to the top. Then, suddenly, Vegeta landed on Gohan's head, and Gohan fell off the building and landed on Cell. "You saved me!" cried Gohan as he hugged Cell around the neck. "No he didn't! I did!" Vegeta screamed in Gohan's ear. "What? Did you say something?" Gohan blinked. Vegeta smacked Cell across the face, getting lotion all over him, then kidnapped Gohan & drove away in the ice cream truck, never to be seen again.  
  
It was at that very moment that Cell woke up. He looked around where he was, to make sure no LTD Too bags were in sight, and then looked at himself. He then realized the REAL reason he was created....  
  
Goku, Gohan, and Chi Chi were all staring at the TV. Vegeta, Bulma, and Yaumcha were all staring at the TV. No other Z-fighter was, though, because they're all in Hawaii or something like that. But, the news reporter, however, was saying something extremely shocking. Afterwards, Goku went into a coma, and Gohan just stood there with his mouth hanging open for all eternity, and Vegeta died right there, and Bulma commited suicide, and Yaumcha got amnesia & became a mute, but that's afterwards, not now. So, as the reporter was saying,....oh, hell, I'll just end it was a nice diaologue thing.  
  
Reporter: And we have just recieved news that the current threat to the world, known as Cell, has just been seen doing the unthinkable...  
  
Reporter 2: That's right, Rahsevakevesded, but folks, seriously, you will NOT believe that this is real, except it's live footage!  
  
Rahsevakevesded (pronouced Reh-see-vah-keh-vis-dead): Now then, let's show the people the horror!  
  
(Cuts to a scene of... what else? People running around, screaming, then cuts to Cell shopping for flowers)  
  
FIN  
  
---[Cut Fanfiction On The Dotted Line]---  
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So, how was it? R&R if you can!  
  
~Ashura  
  
PS: Oh yeah...as for Jake & Cake, Vegeta accidentally blew them up.  
  



End file.
